Roses are Red…

So, in honor of Valentine’s Day (in 4 days), we should talk about poetry.

These are the funniest, worst poems I have ever seen, submitted by a group of actually super talented poets/writers, as a joke to a publication. I share them now, for your enjoyment, in a small series of blog posts.

This one was submitted to a publication called The Best Poems of 1995:

Love

O love is a feeling that makes a person strive
To crank out one of the Best Poems of 1995;
Love is what made Lassie the farm dog run back to the farmhouse to alert little Timmy’s farm family whenever little Timmy fell into a dangerous farm pit;
Love is a feeling that will not go away, like a fungus in your armpit;
So the bottom line is that there will always be lovers
Wishing to express their love in an heirloom quality book with imported French marbleized covers;
Which, at $49.95 a pop multiplied by 3,000 poets
Works out to gross literary revenues of roughly $150,000, so it’s
A good bet that whoever thought up the idea of publishing this book
Doesn’t care whether this last line rhymes.

If you care to read the full story about this poem, you may do so here.

Stay tuned for tomorrow’s poem: My Cat Has Fleas

dear god

i know you see him everyday
i know you know that he used to be so in love with you
i know he misses you

i know you miss him

dear god,

please let him feel you again
break his heart

dear god,

forgive him like you forgave me.

dear god,

you know every decision i make each week runs through a filter with him in it. does he know that there are people who are trying to make church real? does he know that there are people who are trying to love one another? does he know who you really are?

does he know that there is a whole community of people who feel the same way he does, but we’re trying to fix it?

dear god,

let us fix it. please let us fix it.

My friend sent me this quote today

It’s how I’ve been living for almost a year, but I didn’t realize it. I love it.

“The world is wide, and I will not waste my life in friction when it could be turned into momentum.”

-Frances Willard

i am not dead.

.

Altars

The concept of altars is weird to me.

You hear about them a lot in the old testament and stuff, but they aren’t really relevant today, are they?

Let me share what Mark Batterson says about them in his new book, Wild Goose Chase.

Have you ever noticed how often people in the Old Testament built altars? It seems like they were building them all over the place all the time. Why? Because we have a natural tendency to remember what we should forget and forget what we should remember. Altars help us remember what God doesn’t want us to forget. They give us a sacred place to go back to.

I wonder if Peter ever rowed out to that spot on the Sea of Galilee where he walked on water. Did Zacchaeus ever take his grandchildren back to climb the sycamore tree where he caught his first glimpse of Jesus? Did Lazarus ever revisit the tomb where he was buried for four days? Did Paul ever ride out to the mile marker on the road to Damascus where God knocked him off his high horse? Did Abraham ever take Isaac back to Mount Moriah, where God provided a ram in the thicket? And I wonder if Moses ever returned to the burning bush, took off his sandals, and thanked God for interrupting the forty-year routine of his life by giving him a second chance to make a difference.

There are certain places like that for me. When I drive by the theatre at Florida Southern College, I think about all that God delivered me from. There are lots of good memories, but lots of bad choices there. Right after we got our house, I drove back to our old apartment complex and parked and thanked God that we didn’t live there anymore, I thanked Him for providing a home for us. Anytime I drive down certain streets in my home town, I think of how God freed me from my nicotine addiction.

I think sometimes it’s good to look back at places you’ve been and let them serve as a marker for how far you’ve come. How far God’s brought you because He interrupted your routine.

When it rains…

Can you get your dog to go to the bathroom outside?

‘Cause my little princess won’t do it.

So now that our first hurricane with Puma is coming, I should be worried about our house, and our cars, and safety and leaks and things.

But in reality I am worried that my little dog might have to sit with her legs crossed for a day or two.

I am only slightly concerned

About the information I am about to give you. You see, I am about to introduce you to a person who knows all of my secrets.

I had 2 best friends in college. One is named Emily. We became friends because we were bored in History, we were both named Emily, and we were hungry. I had a car, so I’d usually take us to McDonalds during that class. We decided since we both loved McDonalds, and eventually each other, we should live together that next year. 2 Emilys, 1 12×12 room.

But before that happened, we took an English class together, and met this guy named Kyle. We both loved him…he’s just a lovable guy. We studied together, and eventually became great friends.

So we all hung out for years and years, and they have both seen me do some dumb things. We called ourselves the triumvirate. They were my family away from family.

Emily and Kyle got married last December. It was awesome. Now, we all go to church together. Which is not something I ever thought I would type.

So now, in August, Emily has decided to blog. She is one heck of a writer, and one heck of a person, and I am glad I know her.

So go tell her hi.

This is me, Mike, Emily, and Kyle at Kyle’s family’s house in Georgia. We were all still in college, none of us were married yet.

I love when this happens

We budget for groceries…usually around 100 bucks a week, but I end up spending about 60. ‘Cause I hate spending a lot on groceries…it’s so weird ’cause you spend SO MUCH money on food, and then it’s gone.

I digress.

Last week Mike said, “Just get 100 dollars cash out and buy groceries with that.” But I didn’t buy any the week before, ’cause we were busy and it was a ‘fend for yourself’ kind of week. So I had A LOT to buy. I wasn’t sure 100 bucks would cut it…especially at Publix. Especially shopping on an empty stomach. Especially with no coupons.

BUT!

Wouldn’t you know I spent 100 dollars EVEN!

I yelped with joy, the cashier was scared, the bag boy was annoyed.

Best. shopping. day. ever.

Here comes a sappy post.

I heart my friend Jenna. I did not realize how much I love her until she lived with me for 3 days. And it’s not usual for me to not want people to leave…usually I’m glad for them to go so I can get back to my routine.

But Jenna gets me. She’s known me forever. We grew up together, but ended up at different schools. I sang at her wedding. We kept in touch over the phone, she loved me through a rough period in my life, and now we talk about how incredible God’s love is while her son is in the back seat of the car. It’s just incredible, the whole thing.

She is a friend I don’t have to explain myself to. She is easy to be around, easy to love. An incredible woman and mother. And I was not ready for her to leave.

I think it was a God thing that she came when she did. I needed that time with her more than I knew.

Now it’s Monday, and back to the real world

Me and Jack at RPC

Garage Sale

I am writing this on Friday afternoon, because when this posts I will be in my garage selling possessions that were once prized. At the butt crack of dawn. For less than 10% of what I originally paid for most of them.

That’s right, almost everything is priced at 1 dollar. 1. dollar. 100 pennies.

God bless America.