no one would believe me

My dad…. I love him to pieces. He is a great dad, funny, he takes good care of my momma, but just like you and me, he has quirks.

He’s kind of a tech geek. He always has the newest thing, or he’s taking something apart to make it work better, or he rigs something up, I could go on and on. I sort of inherited this curiosity from him, like that one time I took the lawnmower apart and put it back together. I also really like building furniture.

Anyway, so last night I got home, having gone out to purchase some rather, ahem, well I needed some things and it was kind of an urgent purchase. I get out of the car and the porch light is off, and this complicates things because I can’t see my keys, and I can’t find my house key, and I’m holding my purse, and a bag, and my phone in case I get mugged in my drive way and I couldn’t FIND MY FREAKING HOUSE KEY AND THEN

FLASH!

Oh yes, a flash. Like, from a camera. Like, blinding white light, scared the crap out of me flash. And I can’t even begin to tell you my thought process at this moment.

Something just took my picture.
Weird.
Wait….How do I look?
When’s the last time I brushed my hair?
Is my dad, in fact, hiding in the bushes?

And by now I can see again and I look up, and attached to the porch rail is this thing. It’s like, a thing that takes pictures when it detects motion. So I think maybe it’s an anti-theft device, but then I see it’s bungee cabled to the post and if a burglar came and this thing FLASHED! in his face, he’d see that it wasn’t really attached to the post and he’d just take it.

And I started giggling. And I look around thinking this must be a joke, but no, it’s just me standing in the driveway, holding my bag of things, and my purse, and my phone, and my keys, laughing.

My next thought was, “I really want to blog about this, but no one would believe me.”

And then my dad e-mailed me this:

I would like for you to note, gentle reader, that the flash was so bright that it illuminated the metal on the door across the street from our house.

I found out this morning that this motion camera was merely being tested last night. It was, in fact,  purchased to figure out what is trying to kill my grandmother’s chickens in Polk City. Another story for another time.

Just for kicks

Go check out my buddy Michael’s blog. He’s a quarter Japanese trip.

I got to spend some time at lunch Monday with his son, Josh. I love that kid.

Remember how you used to blog?

My husband asked me that last night. He looked concerned.

“I still blog!” I said. “I’ve just been busy.”

“Oh,” he said, “I thought you’d given up.”

My apologies blog buddies, this week has been a tad bit crazy! Taylor and I have been working on the set change all week…yesterday we decided that we hated what I’d done and tore it down and re-did it. Always a good time. Today we will hopefully finish up, set the lighting, and be done. I’ll post more in the next Creative Chaos blog carnival over at Carlos’ place.

Last night we went to see the Dark Knight. This may not seem like a big deal to you, especially if you went and saw it at 11:59 the night it came out or whatever, but listen guys, I haven’t been to the movies since 2005. Yes. 2005. To see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I’m not a big movie person, but I did want to go see Heath Ledger. He lived up to all of the hype. That’s all I can really say, I’m still processing all of it.

That’s why I don’t go to movies, you see. They put me on sensory overload and it takes me days to come out of the movie coma.

And I have to be out of it by tomorrow night, because my friend Jenna is coming! Jenna and I have known each other for 13 years. She is hilarious. She is Godly. I like being around her. We’ve kept in touch for years and years, but we only get to see each other when she comes my way…it’s kind of hard to pick up and go with my job. I’m pretty sure I will be carrying the camera around all weekend so I can film our high jinx.

cleaning out my inbox

it started like this

i made some progress

It got a lot better after I took out all of these

And now it’s down to this

Hooray.

you ask i’ll answer – part 3

Justin asks:
What is the best kind of tree for climbing?
I’d have to say the tree that was in back of my Gram’s house. We called it an ear tree. It had little growths all over it that look like ears. Me and my cousin used to go exploring back there and climb it all the time. A LOT of my good little kid memories came from being back there. I know that was an office question and i was going to be funny, but then I started reminiscing and got all serious…

Jenna asks:
How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? I always bite into them like that silly owl, so I don’t know.
When are we going to see some little Monts de Oca’s? Did my dad slip this question into your pile of questions? I don’t know.
Have you ever had hemorroids? No but I’ve heard you can develop them from having a baby and pushing too hard…another reason I don’t think I’m ready to have one!
In 6th grade, who did you REALLY like better – Matt or Ryan? Honestly, Matt. ‘Cause he was funnier to me. But i REALLY liked Logan and Micah better as an all around pair of friends.
What ever happened to Ivy? She is still alive. Barely lol.
Have you been to Dairy Queen lately? I almost went the other day! But sadly no, not lately.

I guess that’s it guys! Thanks for playing.

you ask i’ll answer – part 2.

oh boy.

Dwight K. Schrute asks:
What type of bear is best? That’s a rediculous question….there are basically two schools of thought. BATTLESTAR GALLACTICA!
Did my shoes come off in the plane crash? probably not, BUT, if they did you could hollow out the harry potter books you brought and use them for shoes. or the sand would toughen your feet.
Have you ever seen a burn victim? Ryan started the FIIIIIYAAAAARE!
Do you even know what a fitness orb it? <–I left that typo in there. You’re getting soft Dwight. Yes I do. My favorite female athelete has one (or two).
What is going on here? shenanigans.
What is the Dharma Initiative? it’s that thing from lost! althought I didn’t know that until I watched your show.
What is the cause of Robert Mifflin’s suicide? he hated himself.
What is Michael Scott’s biggest fear? lonliness. or women.

KFJ asks:
What is your favorite episode of The Office???? Mine is “Ben Franklin”
Now that I’m caught up it is definitely a tie between Office Olympics and Casino Night. I tend to enjoy the ones that feature Jim and Pam the most.

Jamison asks:
What inspired you to be a programming director?
Interesting question. Long answer. In 2004 I started working at RPC…I think it was 2004. Maybe 2005 early. Anyway, I started working part time answering phones, printing bulletins, you know: busy work. I don’t know if I’d call myself a “practicing Christian” at that time. I had been raised in a series of Baptist churches and was very disconcerted. I thought it was a joke. It was too fake for me. I couldn’t stand being around it without being disgusted. [Let me just throw in here that the way to 'stick it to the church' is not to go off drinking and all the stuff that I did. It didn't bother them one bit, and it didn't do me any good either.] So, back to 04/05. We were still baptist at that point (FBC Jan Phyl) and I went on Sundays to appease my family. Timm Collins spent a lot of time breaking down the walls I’d built, showing me what a genuine leader looks like, putting up with my horrible HORRIBLE attitude, and really just laying down the law. I tried to rebel, and came close to quitting several times, but my second job at the mall wouldn’t have supported me. I stayed.

In 2005 I experienced NorthPoint for the first time. I cried from almost the moment I walked into the auditorium. It felt so real, and so raw. It felt like someone saw me, and knew my struggles and self-loathing and made a church just for me. A place where I could get it. It was a pivotal thing in my life.

I can’t remember the whole timeline but eventually we all felt that FBC Jan Phyl needed to become RPC. I was in. Like, all in. I was still just the part time receptionist at that point. As we started adding technology into the mix of our service, I got very upset with how chopped up it felt. Nothing was smooth, there was dead air, there were typos in the songs, etc. I spoke with Timm about it and he told me to take it over. As the church evolved, so did the position, and now it consists of what I do today. What I do is a far cry from working in an advertising firm in Manhattan like I’d always planned, but I know without a doubt that sitting in the auditorium in Georgia God called me into ministry. I don’t deserve it. I don’t get why He thinks I can do it. But I love having a front row seat

Daddy asks:
Remember the secret code word?
Heck yes I do. When I was little my dad had a secret code word for me so I’d be safe. For example: If someone came to my school to pick me up, they had to know the secret code word or I wouldn’t go with them. This way I’d always know that my parents knew where I was. It was popcorn, by the way. I seem to remember a time when one of their friends came to get me and didn’t know the word, and I pitched a fit until he called my dad to get it lol.

We’ll wrap this up tomorrow….until then, happy Thursday! The Office season finale is tonight!!

you ask i’ll answer – part 1.

Here we go. I’m probably going to spread these out over a few posts, because some of them are gosh darn ridiculous [glares at Travis].

Curious George asks: If the presidential election were held today, who would you vote for?

George: I’d vote for Dave Grohl of the Foo Fighters. Honestly I’m not all that happy with any of the candidates for this election. I am also not happy with how the media is handling the whole thing, but that is another story.

Mike Monts asks: what is your favorite brand of peanut butter? Peter Pan reduced fat creamy kind.
american or german cars? anything but your car. [he drives a yellow short bus]
who is your favorite female athelete? kristen freaking jane.
do you prefer chunk light or solid white albacore tuna? I prefer “big tuna” [aka Jim from The Office]mmm.
who has recently been an inspiration in your life? an extensive list could be here, but at the top of it would be you.
are you excited about us moving to our new house? i will be more excited when you give up and let me decorate! you take the outside and give up the inside!
do you think lebron james is a cry baby? that’s what papa johns said.
who is a better guitarist: yngwie malmstein or paco de lucia? jason mraz.
are pam and jim going to break up during the season finale? i don’t know. i’m sure it will be a cliffhanger.
if they do what are you going to do? write some angry letters. not really. they said the show is supposed to be about real life, and that’s real life.
whats up? everything.
what are you doing right now, other than reading this comment? i am in zoostation, drinking coffee and eating two-bite brownies. delish.

That’s it for today. Stay tuned for tomorrow, where I’ll tackle questions from a celebrity, and let you in on a bit of my childhood.

Em

Today

• PC’s are of the devil
• I have to read this book
• 

• I love mike
• The water in the new house gets turned on (hopefully)
• we are praying there are no leaks
• The AC in the office is broken
• I went to burger king for breakfast
• I’m trying to be creative
• It’s a coffee shop day
• Travis came by
• 48 viruses. really.
• we have to have HOW MUCH FOR CLOSING COSTS?!

Happy Tuesday!!

i am ready for this day to be OVER.

How ’bout you?

1bandeaumonotrianglehaltertankiniwrap

You ladies know what I’m talking about. SWIM SUIT SEASON!

cue: climactic moment music DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUUN.

Yes, it is coming around the mountain faster than you can say, “crap, i wish I hadn’t eaten that frosty!” I had a plan to loose a few pounds before I tried to squeeze myself into a suit (just kidding), but that isn’t going to happen for a few reasons.

1. I am lazy.
2. I am not fat enough that I am bothered by the fact that I am getting fatter. Think about that.
3. My ankle might be injured.

So here’s what I want to know from THE LADIES: what type of suit do you wear and why? Here’s what Target is offering as options: triangle bikini, bandeau binkini, monokini, whole piece, the thing with the little skirt, tankini.

Here’s what I want to know from THE GUYS: do you really care what kind of bathing suit a chick wears? elaborate.

Talk to me.