hilarity « emily.the.strange

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no one would believe me

Published October 5, 2009 family , hilarity , pointless ramblings , silly 5 Comments

My dad…. I love him to pieces. He is a great dad, funny, he takes good care of my momma, but just like you and me, he has quirks.

He’s kind of a tech geek. He always has the newest thing, or he’s taking something apart to make it work better, or he rigs something up, I could go on and on. I sort of inherited this curiosity from him, like that one time I took the lawnmower apart and put it back together. I also really like building furniture.

Anyway, so last night I got home, having gone out to purchase some rather, ahem, well I needed some things and it was kind of an urgent purchase. I get out of the car and the porch light is off, and this complicates things because I can’t see my keys, and I can’t find my house key, and I’m holding my purse, and a bag, and my phone in case I get mugged in my drive way and I couldn’t FIND MY FREAKING HOUSE KEY AND THEN

FLASH!

Oh yes, a flash. Like, from a camera. Like, blinding white light, scared the crap out of me flash. And I can’t even begin to tell you my thought process at this moment.

Something just took my picture.
Weird.
Wait….How do I look?
When’s the last time I brushed my hair?
Is my dad, in fact, hiding in the bushes?

And by now I can see again and I look up, and attached to the porch rail is this thing. It’s like, a thing that takes pictures when it detects motion. So I think maybe it’s an anti-theft device, but then I see it’s bungee cabled to the post and if a burglar came and this thing FLASHED! in his face, he’d see that it wasn’t really attached to the post and he’d just take it.

And I started giggling. And I look around thinking this must be a joke, but no, it’s just me standing in the driveway, holding my bag of things, and my purse, and my phone, and my keys, laughing.

My next thought was, “I really want to blog about this, but no one would believe me.”

And then my dad e-mailed me this:

I would like for you to note, gentle reader, that the flash was so bright that it illuminated the metal on the door across the street from our house.

I found out this morning that this motion camera was merely being tested last night. It was, in fact, purchased to figure out what is trying to kill my grandmother’s chickens in Polk City. Another story for another time.

Happy 4th of July!

Published July 4, 2008 arts and entertainment , concerts , hilarity 1 Comment

The concert last night was awesome.

Jannus Landing is a really cool venue, if you can go, go. It’s like being in someone’s backyard for a concert, and you really kind of are actually, if you think about the apartment building that borders one side of the place.

The opening act was a guy named Keaton Simons and my word, if you like blues-y rockish guitar playing from a (dare I say) attractive man with voice that will make you stand up straighter and pay attention, then you MUST go get his album off of iTunes. I will do it as soon as I’m done with this post….and Mike wakes up and tells me it’s OK to spend 10 dollars on iTunes. Seriously, we were blown away with his guitar playing. It was a 3 piece band and they sounded really rich and full. It was glorious.

*speaking of glorious, if you haven’t been to a concert in a while, you wouldn’t believe how much it’s like being in a church service. people raise their hands, close their eyes, and WORSHIP. it’s just missing the whole God element. it was very interesting*

Then Sister Hazel came on, and they were good too. The shining moment was the guitar playing, again (um, do I possibly have a thing for lead guitar players? I think so.) the lead guy was incredible. He played his guitar against a pole that was holding the tent up (yes, I know. I know.) and all the ladies went ,”Oooh ahh,” and it was pretty much just,….yeah. Awesome.

We always seem to score incredible parking at concerts and this was no exception. We were the first ones out of the venue, we basically ran passed the homeless people to the parking garage and straight to the car, which was right by the exit ramp, which got us out FIRST! Rock.

Funny things that happened:

A lady next to us (she looked to be in her high 50’s, and I do mean HIGH) had a joint. She tried to hide it, but we saw it. Busted.
There were so many old people there it is not even funny. And they were putting away some beer. And DANCIN’.
We met some Canadians. A young couple, so we chatted with them, and the guy proceeded to show me a picture on his cell phone of his wife sitting on the toilet. I asked if they spoke French, and yes, they did. (I stopped myself from saying “eh?” and asking about Alex Trebek.)
Some lady kept doing a wild banshee call.
Mr. Bean was dancing in front of us. He kept doing this weird 270 degree spin kind of dance and he kept looking at me, and I swore to Buddah that if he looked at me one more time I was going to hit him squarely in his giant nose.
I got hit upside the head. Yes. Really. By the girl behind me. I turned around and she was like, “I’m so sorry!” and I was laughing too hard to console her. I mean, I had just been “hit upside the head” for the first time in my life, and that was something to be savored. How often do you get hit by a total stranger?! It just struck me (no pun intended) as funny.

-Em