I’ve been in a medically induced depression and just recently feel like a person again. How’s your day going?
I’ve been thinking about this post all week. I wasn’t going to say anything about it because although I love you inter-people very much, I don’t know all of you and well, it’s personal.
But screw that, because this is all about transparency, right? This is about real people and real life and I am about to be really really real with you.
For a lot of months I was really unhappy with my whole life, for no good reason. I have an awesome job, a really hot awesome nice good cook of a husband, we’re getting a house, we have some money. And I would daily think about driving my car into a tree. And I couldn’t get it…like, almost like I was in a fog, you know? I just wanted to quit everything, lay in my bed, and never come out. That sounds all dramatic and stuff, and it is, and it was.
Let me just say that unless you’ve really experienced depression you might not want to mock it, because it is a biotch.
In the midst of me feeling all foggy and crazy and sad, I was trying different types of medication (you know, the kind that let you live the married life without all the babies running around). Turns out that stuff was making me crazy. After ruling out other things I started doing some interweb research about side effects and let me tell you, I was not alone. I didn’t want to go off of it, but I finally stopped taking it out of pure desperation.
I have been off of it for 9 days now and I cannot tell you how amazing I feel. I can think through things again. I get mad about things. I have patience. I’ve had stress headaches because of all the stuff I’m taking on trying to catch up. I feel so incredibly ALIVE that I can’t believe it. I guess the bottom line is: I feel.
Life lessons:
1. If you are depressed, talk to someone about it. I did and he helped
2. Women, listen to your bodies.
3. Research the medicine you are on.
4. Don’t wait.
Emily – I applaud your willingness to let everyone hear this. This is exactly what people need to hear. Having experienced the loss of a loved one from depression/mental illness who would never talk about things to anyone or seek help like she needed to, your four points are so important for everyone. Talk to a friend, your spouse, a family group member, a co-worker, someone. Getting help is not a sign of weakness it is a sign of hope. Like you said the problem just may be a medication that doesn’t agree with your system or it may be deeper than that. Whatever the case having you here and healthy is much more important to your friends and loved ones than not having you at all.
i’m really proud of you. i can tell you feel better, and live better, and love better. let’s try not to have kids though…
hahahahaaaaaaa.
Wow! I am so glad that you recognized something was really wrong… I ditto what Melissa said. I have struggled with depression in the past and it is not any fun! I was not taking any medicine, just had some kind of weird chemical imbalance in my body… Being aware of effects of meds on our body is important and even if you are not on meds and feel like your better off dead or just dont want to function is a signal that you need to talk to somebody. Depression is not anything to be embarassed over. Who knows just telling somebody how you feel may just save your life and a lot of heartbreak and pain for everyone around you. I had a friend who was extremely depressed when we were in 8th grade. Nobody knew– her parents thought it was just a phase and she would get over what ever her attitude problem seemed to be… Well, she didn’t and Kim committed suicide at age 14. It was horrible! That was in 1983 and it seems like yesterday… Again I am so thankful that you recognized something just wasnt right! Glad your feeling better too! Anyone reading this and has depression, if you havent talked to somebody— go do it ASAP! You will still be loved and quit worrying what anyone else thinks! You are loved and needed by more people than you think.
welcome back emmy
I can relate to everything you said!!! I am so glad that you are doing better!!! I am glad to call you my friend
I lot of people deal with this and don’t know what to do about it. My brother was clinically depressed at 7 and 14 and hospitalized for it. God, time, professional help, some medication, and family/friend support really help. I love you! Tell your Daddy, I hope his eye is better. And, tell Mike he married way out of his league.
I was nodding the whole time I read your post. I have been on meds for depression at a couple of difficult points in my life and each time have come a point where I needed to be done with it. When you realize that not only aren’t you feeling really depressed, you’re just not feeling much at all, it’s time for a change. Thanks for being so candid.
i dropped those little pills about 3 years ago. haven’t regretted it – for a LOT of the same reasons.
Emily – totally understand the way you were feeling and I am so glad that you figured out the culprit, as I did. Most recently I had a small bout of depression and it felt like my world was gloom and doom from sun up to sun down – and you’re right, you can’t explain it unless you’ve experienced it. Thankfully for me, as I’ve matured (?) into my 30’s (ouch), I’m more in tune w/ my body and instinctively I knew those sudden feelings had to be medically related as I’d had no tragedy happen and like you, I have a wonderful, happy life. Thus, fortunately for me, my experience was shorter lived than yours. I remembered that I had started taking ‘the pill’ again but was in disbelief that it could be that because I had taken it for years in my early 20’s with no reaction. Sure enough, several days after I stopped taking it, the cloud lifted and everything was normal, just like that. Thankfully I’m now having “rollerball surgery” on Wednesday to end the BEAST of all beasts (I’m done having children though).
I am so happy for you that you discovered what had taken over your life and I thank you for sharing your experience. You just really validated for me that I wasn’t c.r.a.z.y. and that I really did have a negative reaction to a medication. I hope many others will benefit from your shared experience as well. ^_^
What an amazing tool these blogs are. Em, I’ve known you since you were a baby, see you every week, talk to your mom every day, and didn’t know what you were hurting like this. You’ve always been a beautiful girl inside and out. Very smart and responsible. Knowing you went through this breaks my heart. How cool is it you can publish something like this and:
A. Let people know this is a real problem.
B. Tell people what to look for.
C. Be so transparent.
D. Love you more than we do already.
Through these blogs I’ve come to love people at RPC that I don’t even know who they are or what they look like.
We all thank God you got through this without killing any trees, you’re a smart girl. I pray God continues to bless you.
A few years back, I suffered miserably from migranes. The doctor prescribed me some preventative medication in addition to the migrane medicine. It took a month or two of thoughts like yours to realize something wasn’t right. Upon further investigation, one of the side effects of the medication was depression. I immediately stopped taking it and wonders never cease, no more depression. I was the 1 in 1,000 to suffer from that side effect. Be careful with new meds. Pay close attention to any changes. Sometimes they’re not so obvious.