Let’s talk about last night, when Mike and I wandered aimlessly around Lakeland with $350 cash. Another blog, another day.
Me: Can we go to Target?
Mike: Sure, what do you need?
Me: I want to try on one of those Monokini bathing suits
———15 minutes later————
Me: AAAAAHHHHHH (walking out of the fitting rooms). [to the lady at the desk] Designed by Satan?
Lady at desk: (polite laughter) We get that a lot.
Later we decide that we want to purchase some books because:
A. We like to read. Mike has recently re-discovered this in his life.
B. We are not smart and we want to be smarter.
C. Reading is cheaper than going to a bar.
So we go to the book section and Mike picks out a few things, I grab “What to Expect When You’re Expecting.”
**You see blog buddies, I’ve wanted to read that book since I was…I don’t know, 16-ish. I am an only child. I know NOTHING about pregnancy. I’ve never seen it, never been around it. I am just curious.
I HAVE NO DESIRE FOR A CHILD RIGHT NOW. I’m thinking 30 looks like a good age to start thinking about kids. Thinking. Not making.
But I feel like I should find out what to expect while I’m expecting BEFORE the stick turns pink and there’s no turning back. I mean, isn’t that the WISE THING TO DO?!***End Rant.
Me: Mike, do you care if I get this? It’s 13 dollars.
Mike: [blink blink]
Me: I’m not pregnant
Mike: then why do you want it?
Me: (see rant above, only louder, and in Target)
Mike: You don’t need that book. Save if for when you’re pregnant (see he heard NOTHING of what I said before)
So I am befuddled and I can’t figure out why he is so freaked about a book, so I asked one of my guy friends about it. Here was his reponse:
“…but you should understand that men hear “expecting” and everything freaks out – we want kids, but we also love our freedom, and kids change that, and we just committed to marriage, and a kid poops in her pants, and we then need babysitters, and we have to pay for college, and teach them how to play t-ball and ride bikes, and we barely have enough time for each other, so how are we going to cram another little human into our lives, and what is it going to do to my wife and our relationship and will she love the kid more than me and will she even notice me and what’s up with the 6 weeks thing and what’s up with your hormones and what about the cravings and can we afford this and WHY DOES SHE WANT A BABY RIGHT NOW AND WE JUST BOUGHT A HOUSE WHAT IS SHE THINKING WE HAVEN’T EVEN MOVED IN YET AND SHE’S PICKING OUT COLORS FOR THE NURSERY AND I DON’T KNOW WHAT SCHOOL DISTRICT WE ARE AND SHE WANTS ME TO TILE THE FLOORS AND THE KID’S GONNA HIT HIS HEAD ON THE FLOOR AND BLEED OUT ALL OVER THE PLACE AND I’M GONNA GO TO JAIL AND I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHERE I WANT TO WORK OR WHAT I REALLY WANT TO DO WITH THE REST OF MY LIFE AND SHE’S ALL “LET’S HAVE A KID” AND I’M ALL “GET AWAY FROM ME” BUT I’M A GUY SO I CAN’T REALLY BE “GET AWAY FROM ME” SO SHE’S HOLDING ALL THE CARDS AND I FEEL LIKE I’M LOSING CONTROL AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT’S COMING AND SHE’S THE WOMAN, SO SHE INHERENTLY COMPLETELY UNDERSTANDS WHAT’S COMING AND IT’S NOT FAIR AND I. HAVE. NO. CONTROL. ANYMORE.”
hmm…so you talked this one over with travis?
He did say that.
It was summized in “You don’t need that book.”
See, women aren’t the only ones who talk in code.
Ours just seem to be more grunts and bodily sounds.
that is one of the best yet! i can understand why you would want to read it…you can borrow Ericka’s lol love you!
You go Emily Monts de Oca!!!!!!! There is nothing wrong with thinking ahead!!! If God left the responsibility of procreation solely on the male species, the human race would have been extinct years ago!!!! I think reading about it is just fine…..I will talk it over with Travis as well.
lol!!!!! GREAT POST!!!!!!
You can borrow mine… It’s like 14 years old, but I think that all the biological happenings in the body are the same ol thing! You know some things never change. Let me know if you want to read it still… I will be sure to give it to Mike!
lol
1. Already told you about my experience trying on bathing suits at target… and yes, Satan hand-stitched every one of them
2. I understand wanting to read books about it. I’m clueless, and it is frightening. Maybe the men in our lives just need to know it’s scary to feel dumb, and that we ultimately afraid of being a bad mom… or at least I am
3. Although it is nice that your friend gave you “male insight”, I wouldn’t put too much stock in other guys’ advice. Every guy is very different and their opinions, feelings, and reactions about issues will vary. Ultimately the only guys opinion that matters to you (especially when it comes to babies!) is Mike, so pick his brain when the moment has settled and you have a good chance to talk to him (I hope that didn’t make me sound like a jerk!) I just know that reading through this blog Tim said, “well that’s probably not what I would think…”
haha. oh my gosh. that is seriously the funniest story i’ve heard all day. Just proves that we totally think differently than they do! Good luck with your research on what to expect while youre expecting…BEFORE it happens.
I have a 2 year old.
I tried to study for the “final”.
It didn’t work.
There is no road map. It’s good to try to learn as much as possible, but somewhere it all got tossed out the window for the sage advice of good positive friends & family (note the positive part, don’t let crazy people freak you out with horror stories), the doctor, and my fabulous, loving husband. And we’re all alive and well.
~You know how when you go on vacation and everything goes wrong and you just deal with it and laugh and love each other more for having survived something together – even if neither of you had a clue how you were going to get thru it it… but you did… That’s what parenting is.~
You sound like the kind of person who will enjoy the ride!
great rant!
we have a 10-mo old and i’m with Tracy. we tried to prepare and read up and trawl Google for every result full of sound advice.
when he came, we forgot it all. it’s just so huge / amazing / freaky / confusing / loving that i don’t know how much good studying will do.
on the other hand, i am incredibly lazy when it comes to reading so that might be part of it, too.
if anything, i would say, don’t pay the $13. i think we have 3 copies of that book b/c the hospital and other friends gave it to us. i’m sure you have several copies easily within reach through friends and family.
Absolutely Fantastic post! I want to read that book too, I’ve always wondered about it.