shut up brain

Is it possible to lust after a house? (cue music: she’s a brick hooouuusee).

Seriously. I was walking Puma (yes folks, I closed my laptop, got off the couch, and WENT OUTSIDE) in the cute perfect little neighborhood by our apartment complex. As I walked on the perfect brand new side walk by the perfect looking houses, I couldn’t help but try to look in the windows (they should’ve named me Tom I guess) to see what it’s like to own a house. I wanted to see what their walls had on them and what kind of cool furniture they have and whether or not they have to take their shoes off before they go inside.  Sometimes there were little sets of shoes by the big sets of shoes and I was jealous of the perfect little families. I just re-read all that and realize I sound bitter. Because I was until what happened next.

My friend from college lives in that neighborhood. She’s still in with her family, which is cool. I stopped by to speak to her for a minute. She was in her PJ’s and looked totally relaxed, just hanging with her parents. As I walked away I thought to myself, “Gosh, she’s so lucky to still be at home with her family. No worries. She can sit in her PJ’s at night and read books. I want to do that.”

And then I stopped walking and laughed out loud at myself.

Guess I really don’t know what I want, huh? I want all the perks of being an adult without the responsibility. I was talking to my dad about it afterward, and he listened like he always does, but no adult has an answer for that kind of thing.  But that walk with Puma was kind of an eye opener for me. That neighborhood became a thin place for me. A thin place is what Vince Antonucci calls it when the spiritual world and the natural world get really close together. The veil that separates them becomes transparent and you get a glimpse into…something. Heaven, Jesus, an epiphany. It’s a thin place.

I prayed the whole way I was walking (OK, well sometimes I was telling my dog to poop, but mostly I was praying). I told God I didn’t know what I wanted. I told Him I know things get more complicated the more stuff you get, and I wasn’t sure I wanted more complications.  I told him I was sorry if I made Him think I was ungrateful. I told him I wanted to start talking to Him more, because He’s a good listener. And I started thinking about all the stuff we DO have.
And I prayed the scariest bestest prayer ever:

God. I will do whatever You want. Whenever You want. Wherever You want. Just show me what to do and I’ll do it. I am Yours.

So yeah. That’s all I got. I don’t know why I felt the need to share that with you, but maybe one of you needed to hear it.

Have you ever been in a thin place?